Prelims just ended yesterday. I was happy for a while, before someone made my emotions really hit the rocks. I guess when you give so much of yourself to someone, the slightest thing he/she does can really fling your emotions to either end of the spectrum- whether they know it or not. Heck, what I get is just a 'you don't care about me'. Just makes me doubt myself even more.

Maybe it's just cos I have this irrational fear of a long-term commitment. It's just not me to stay at one thing for long given my ADD-comparable attention span. Just look at me trying to study. I can hardly sit straight for 30 mins without fiddling with something or starting a fridge-door opening marathon (when I'm at home, that is). It's just a darn freaking hard thing for me to stay undistracted for so long, to commit, to meet someone else's expectations (when I hardly even meet or set my own) and to give unconditionally simply because I've never done it before in my entire life!

Mr Teng said that if we could conquer Mt. Fansipan, we could do anythng. I was applauded for my perseverance with that twisted ankle. Yeah, I could do all that and it sure wasn't easy at all. But I could see it; where I had to and wanted to go. It was almost tangible. But feelings aren't at all. And how someone else can feel that abstactness is.. well, impossible. Unless you're freaking upset and you start raising your voice then it becomes so glaring it's impossible to ignore. But I don't want to spread all that angst and unhappiness. Because I have so much more to give but I don't know how to, and how to make you feel it without being awkward about it. I guess such things can only come with time and loadsa mutual work. Being young and brash won't make it happen but that's what I am right now. You can't just force maturity upon yourself.

I've never been this tied down before. This responsibility is meant to be a joy, shared between two instead of a burden. Well, not exactly, but it really does feel that way sometimes. Being alone offers the luxury of being free- you can behave as you deem fit and have to account to no one except yourself, and no one's feelings will be that closely tied to your actions and words. You can just step in any direction without having to hold back and think how that step will impact so-and-so. But then, there'll always be this something you secretly want, to fill that obscure little hole in the centre of your heart. And when you think someone has filled it, it isn't that perfect as you thought you would feel, besides those few, short-lived moments. Perhaps some may think the many far-from-perfect moments are little sacrifices to achieve those seconds of bliss and that it's all worth it. Perhaps. But for now, I prefer that constancy of living up only your own expectations and wishes instead of juggling them with someone else's, and lettting that bring you to extreme highs and lows. My heart can't take it you know.

If you've read till here, I'm sorry that my blog has increasingly become a ranting space. Anyway I doubt many people would read this.
And great, as if to underscore my mood now, my phone offed by itself and won't on again.
Seriously, did I do something really wrong lately?

Labels: ♥, ranternobanter

2 more papers! But even after that I can't celebrate in peace cos A's are less than 2 months away. I think. Ugh, lazy to do the math lah. Anyway I'm so not looking forward to 8 Nov- Geog AND history papers. 6 hours of insane writing. I think my hand won't have the stamina for GP and econs and the other papers. Awesome way to start the A's huh. Why won't Cambridge actually take that into account, to NEVER put 2 3hour writing papers on the same darn day? Oh no, I'm ranting over the same thing again, aren't I.

I think the internet has to be a girl. Cos it's the ultimate modern age temptress. Her face changes every single day, with so much to see and offer, yet it's never enough. She draws you in, through facebook (games), online news, even neopets. Alas! Shun thy temptress I say! For it is she, who pulls the crown (of As for the A's) from me, thy rightful heir.

Kay I'm talking nonsense seriously.
Scrap everything you just read please, gone like the wind, like me. Bye. I think I'm really going mad.

Labels: exam mayhem, jibber jabber, ranternobanter

People should really stop flaming/ ranting at others through their fb statuses. Forcing all your fb friends to read how so-and-so is a cheat, ungentlemanly fag, shameless bitch whatever is just, well, unclassy. However well you can justify that unsightly claim, it still is unsightly.

I don't get why you guys bother doing this kinda thing.

Labels: ranternobanter

"Procrastination is an excuse", a text from the school said.

Really? Then the sender has been making excuses too. Why won't people here just accept that procrastination is human nature? That it's inevitable? That it isn't all bad? That working wholly for results, without a speck of any form of distraction is neither possible, nor perfect?

Results, results, results. That's all the adults care about and preach about now. Because they know and have accepted that this world is nothing more than superficial. Saying that people look at your character, morals, whatever is just the most ironic thing they do in schools. Cos all they care about at the end of the day is just your results, that it makes the school look better--academically.
Of course, I stand to be corrected. I'm not the one running the school after all.

I read this article about Serendipity, and it isn't exactly procrastination, but it tends to be what people lump together with the latter. So if I read on the history of slavery (not coming out in any part of A's as of now), but in the process putting my SEA history essay aside, is it all bad? I still gain in knowledge don't I? Isn't that the purpose of education? So why so particular with that one-track mind that I should only let my life revolve around the subjects I'd be tested for?

Really, this society is driving me nuts. Maybe when I grow up I'd look back at this and laugh. Maybe. But for now, I'd stick close to this. Heck results, seriously. And teachers who preach that procrastination is an excuse. It hardly fits, even in terms of use of english.

Labels: ranternobanter, schooly mooly

I just had a random spark this afternoon.
I think I wanna take up Linguistics and Multilingual Studies if I get into a uni. But sadly, only NTU offers that as a major, I think.
And even more sadly, it's in the west of SG. I stay all the way at the other end.
Good for the stinkingly fortunate science kids. (And perhaps the poly kids too, but definitely not JC arts kids). They've got the 4th uni to go to. The other 3 are all like freaking far.

And I'm soo not looking forward to tomorrow. Always hated first weeks of school since upper sec cos of the barely-touched hw pile. -.-
See if I make it alive by friday or not.

Labels: ranternobanter, schooly mooly

I hate today.

Labels: ranternobanter

Ugh.
I still can't study.
I wonder how people can sit there for hours and be so focused. I've only covered plate tec so far. Outta like what, how many books? 24?
Yes, MYE is in 2 days. And schools just like torturing arts students by lumping two papers in one day, with one paper being 3 hours long, and pushing all the papers in front cos apparently our scripts take bloddy damn long to mark. 3 hours of non-stop writing. I'd rather get a headache from a 1h15min physics paper. Why, why did I take arts? WHY.

I still still still can't stop procrastinating! Is it in my genetic makeup or something?

Labels: exam mayhem, ranternobanter, schooly mooly

Early release from school again. And I hate the hassle of getting BOTH CT and year head to sign. You know how hard it is sometimes to find them? Don't get what's the big deal anyway. That's the thing with this school. Every damn thing is fussed upon. We're 17 and older. Trust our maturity please.

Anyway it was pretty funny when Mr Tian thought I was crying. LOL cos I couldn't find any HOD to sign the form and asked for his help to call any HOD he knows of that's free atm. So he did, and told the HOD I was crying, and when she came, she was like, Chey early release form only why must cry! I was like huh? I got flu! HAHA epic.

Flu bug, please go away. I hear coughs in almost every class and lecture. Ugh.

Labels: ranternobanter, schooly mooly

Weeks have gone by.

No, I haven't been that happy, but neither am I very stressed.
Let's start with the not-so-good. Which is actually perhaps just a rant of a clash of ideals.

So, it was just an ordinary schoolday, ordinary lecture, and I was feeling unordinarily thirsty. Obviously I took out my waterbottle and left it there for the sake of convenience. But as we were moving out of the LT, I left my poor waterbottle there.

What happened to it? Thrown away by some teacher whose name I shall not mention cos I believe it wasn't entirely his decision to do so. (I found out cos people saw him doing it, and told me.)

Later that day was the release of the A level PW results. Still slightly disturbed about my bottle but heck, cos it holds little value in the context of results. But instead of seeing the PW HOD on the stage, we saw the principal. With trashbags, on the stage.

Puzzling huh. He said those bags contained whatever we left behind after lectures. (Yes, including my bottle). He went on to describe how cleaners are always 'armed' and ready to clear anything left in the LTs after every lecture. Why? So we have a clean environment to study in.

Poppycock, I say.
Do you think a blue adidas waterbottle makes a lecture hall look dirty? No, I hardly think so.
And he said 'after every lecture'. Coming from a P who so proudly advocates the importance of chance, why do students not even have that tiny little portion of his big Chance to take whatever they left behind? So what was his point anyway, of displaying those bags of 'trash' on the stage? Heard it but didn't absorb it cos it didn't make sense to me. But I see it as an absolutely unnecessary measure. It's like "Hey everyone, let's be so enthusiastic about collecting 'trash' in the school today, cos the P's gonna talk to the school about trash tomorrow!" Biiiig deal.

I'm not making a big fuss out of a small bottle (although it's more like him making a big fuss out of everything). I just don't see what this P sees.


Oh btw, I got an A for PW. :D


Something more optimistic: ODAC Great Hike! The J2s (shift 2 game facils actually) were damn slack. Cos it rained and we had no more duties so we cabbed (while the others walked) straight to the meeting point. Haha not like I didn't go through the torture in J1.

Was really really disappointed when the cemetery night walk was cancelled. Our recee in mr kok's car was awesome (honestly I think only I think so cos the other girls were freaking out so badly they nearly sank into the car seats).

The only thing that wasn't that good was the size of the J1 ODACians. Mad huge. Such that some J2s had to sleep on benches and the floor. Kinda pissed the teachers and J2s off.


And and, rockclimbing's NOT CANCELLED!
ONE MORE STAR (after kayakking)!

Labels: ranternobanter, SR ODAC

Why do teachers give so much work knowing that CNY is for visiting and not rotting at home?

That is what I call racial insensitivity as I told Jeryl. But sadly, it can't really be used here in SG unlike in Adelaide, cos teachers are Chinese themselves, and we are the majority.
I hate homework.

God, why do I procrastinate so much?

Labels: ranternobanter

Been MIA cos I've been going out, what else. HAHA means now you got stuff to read! But I feel lazy now. Oh well.

31st December, New Year's eve.
Celebrated with the LaoCai trip people at Mind Cafe and although only like 9 people came in the end, it was awesome! Everything from the games to the tomyum chicken pasta to the present(s). (:

Sorry the brownie went to waste, it was diabetic. HAHA thought that counts. Diabetic thought. Sweet ttm. Then the toot shoebox thing. Asking if it made me happy is a redundant question. :D

Walked around a bit after that, then went somewhere after walking around, slacked, then went to Toa Payoh to watch Sherlock Holmes. Snuck in lotsa snacks and were probably irritating the people with our munching. Don't care, birthday girl does anything. TEEHEE.

Cabbed home, and started our trek to the floating platform again (and on our way we heard fireworks but saw naarthing. -.-), then left cos there were too many to-be-drunk bangladeshis getting a bit high.

Stoned at the playground below TF's house and I fell asleep as expected lol, then went upstairs to sleep, before waking up at 6 to go see the sunrise. But apparently the floating platform offers nothing much of a view. Oh well, the experience was awesome anyway. Went home to nap, before going out to meet Dewaine, Vanessa, Alina and Sarah! Finally after how many eons we meet again. LOL.

Ate at Eighteen Chefs at Eastpoint, gossiped truckloads man. We weren't finished with gossiping still so we went to the top floor to gossip more. HAHA horrible right.

Dinner with family at some chinese restaurant which made me a bit pissed cos I didn't really like it there and I definitely chose a different place earlier on.

WARNING: RANT.
Every single eat-out meal with my family sucks, cos they all love food which I hate. Don't know where the hell my taste buds came from, cos it was definitely not inherited. They always go to places I hate. Especially seafood places, then complain I'm picky and I eat too little and ask in absolute disbelief why anyone can hate seafood. Stupid question of the year. It's as dumb as asking why I'm asian. Certain foods, you like it or not. Simple. There's no why. If I suggest someplace I like instead, I get called selfish, cos it's 3 vs 1. And I'm not allowed to be selfish even on my birthday. A once-in-365and1/4days thing.

Okay, done. (:

2nd January
Sent the Sarawak trip people off..

4 more days. ): Must survive!

Labels: ♥, ranternobanter

Been a no-lifer thus the lack of posts.

No really, I'm just superlatively busy.

Re-exams are done, but if you think I'm allowed a single week of holiday, you just had the darndest wrongest notion ever. Yeah, 'supplementary lessons'. Just a way of saying 'extension of your everyday school'. Still waiting for news of advancement (or not). And actually from the back of my head I kinda wanna retain. Oh well, I'll let God decide through the school.

And I wanna rant about corrections.
Firstly, the copiosity of it. I seriously couldn't continue after finishing paper 1 of history cos my pen ran out of ink, and I ran out of paper. No kidding. Try 8 pages per essay, times 5. Don't let me begin on Geog and Econs. More essays is all I would say.

Secondly, what corrections do the science kids do? Zilch?

Thirdly, I don't get the point of duplicating answer keys. Especially the case for History. Counterproductive in terms of time, effort, and ink and paper. I could well use that time to study new stuff within the syllabus or actually try having a social life for the first time in 9 months.

Rant over! :D
I feel kinda bad that whenever I blog it's to rant about something. Oh well, that's a life of educational suppression for you.


So, been up to nothing much at all, just trainings and lectures.
Trainings' about every alternate day. Both laocai one and ODAC. Don't mind trainings half as much as lectures. *shudders*
Oh, I completed 24km with a 7kg load with track shoes and a schoolbag and suffered nothing but a blister! :D Okay, the blister was pretty bad, it bled but heck, superficial wound. :DD

I feel like I'm ready for army. (:
HAHA as if! Not ready for 30kg yet uh.



AAANNNNDDDD, I GOT MY ODAC SHIRT ALREADY! I FEEL LIKE PRANCING AROUND IN SCHOOL WITH IT. MY PRIDE AND JOY. :D
To hell with the people who undermine ODAC!

Cannot remember what else I wanted to say already.
So bye.

Labels: ranternobanter

(Firstly, I hope I do not give the false impression that I like flowers. They say all girls do. Apparently I'm an anomaly.) But this picture was taken with my chachat ex-8mp phone camera for Jessica. (:

So,
I shall rant tonight!
Sorry, I have nothing better to do at the moment.

Yeah, cos I got told off for not much of a good reason by two stubby men on two consecutive days. Oh blimey, I know.


First was a bus driver.
I nearly typed an 'Indian bus driver', but realised it might look racist later on so nah. Anal and not to mention shallow people (which there are more than plenty of) look at negative yet factual statements as a racist one so long as race is mentioned.

Anyway, the story goes somewhat like this.
I was heading to school, so I took the bus. Knowing that the money in my ez-link card was running dry, I decided to pay my bus fare in coins just in case. So yeah, I just did the norm.

Then, the bus driver called me back. In his thundering (and I seriously mean thundering, like freaking loud) voice, and asked if secondary school students had to show their ez-link card. I figured it was a really inappropriate rhetorical question since I was, firstly in my JC school uniform with the school badge prominant enough for that to be seen, and secondly, which service provider asks that sort of question? I thought they only provide answers. But heck, I showed him my card anyway.


I think by now you would've thought; that's it? That was it?
But nooooo, it has barely started.


He then asked me to tap my ez-link card. Which I stared quizzically at him cos I already paid the fare in coins, but I did it anyway. I know, I'm so compliant. Then he muttered a whole chunk of incomprehensive English ( maybe that's the thing about the Indian accent; it's so exotic and addictive you can never drop it) then asked me to 'tap and hold there', the last part and only part of the chunk I understood.

By now, I was already quite pissed off. Like what the hell, since when was paying my bus fare in coins such a long process? Cos I had been standing there long enough to probably give my PW oral presentation and was holding up all the other passengers' time. Okay, not me exactly, but that (obscene adjective) of a busdriver.


Right, so I just did everything that stub told me in a desperate bid to hurry get on with the bus ride and when it was finally all over and I was walking back to my seat, he told me this.
"Girl, next time you take bus you do this. Don't waste everyone's time"

I swear. If the law were non-existant I'd make sure he'll end up non-existant too. I've never seen such blatant shift of blame before. Not in the tertiary industry at least. Describing him as a pot calling the kettle black is way too much an understatement for him.


Think it's over? Nooooo, still not yet. I think even your patience is running out already. I think normal people would've died by my third para or smth already. HAHA. I think I can win the money for any Boiling Point show man.

Uh huh, so we all thought it was over, till a few stops later, when the bus stopped in front of a traffic light. He then walked all the way to the back of the bus where I was seated, asking another question that totally reflected his state of mind.
"Girl, just now your card still got money right? Then why you wanna pay in coins? You wanna save money is it?"

Yeah I did have some money left in my card. Like what, 80cents? So I just glared at him then rolled my eyes and turned to face the window while he carried on rambling away with more pride than a police officer interrogating a criminal.
And he had the bloddy guts to tell me I was wasting his time again.

I think that guy has got some severe issues. Should've been nice and offered him some counselling hotline.

Okay, I'm lazy to talk about the second stubby guy already. Not worth mentioning anyway. Ask me if you see me if you wanna know.


YAY GOODNIGHT.
NOW YOU KNOW I CAN RANT THE LENGTH OF AN ESSAY. :D

Labels: ranternobanter

Made Tumblr cos Blogspot is being a fag by discrimminating mac users.

Will tell ya the url soon, when I start updating after PROMOS.


I can't study properly.
Seriously.

Like I told Joanna,

Studying is like running your 2.4km; if you haven't run for years, your timing
will suck.

I was mugging the whole of yesterday and I only conquered 10pages.

I have at least 500 pages more to go for all my subs. So lets see: I'll need 3 x 50hours. 150hours. That converts to 40plus days, considering all other time-consuming stuff.

How many days to promos (excluding GP)?
7.

Ohmygawsshhh.

Labels: ranternobanter

Okay, not that busy anyway. 'else the teachers would be shooting themselves in their heads. In a way.


Chronological blogging again. I'm trying to document my life so that maybe when I die and get famous as the man girl who can't be moved, they can get my autobiography here. Okay, sorry, I'm listening to the Man Who Can't Be Moved. Ended up typing that down.


Monday,
Photog from 1pm till 5pm.
Like I said, my mac won't let me upload anything. Was the only girl in my group. It's like some kind of tragic karmic fate that my LC group is monopolised by soccer boys. Lucky for TF and Christine. But Christine is in soccer girls too, I think. Ohmygawshh.


Tuesday,
Econs lecture early in the morn. Had to stand at the back when I was only like what, 2 minutes late? They got the bloddy guts to penalise us when they're calling us back on a HOLIDAY.

One day when I grow up I'm gonna revolusionise the meaning of holidays in Singapore. Asian countries, if possible.

Mark my words; I'll make it happen.


Oh, on a random note, I feel like asking my dear MOE why they haven't been funding my education through edusave for the past couple of years. Every Singaporean citizen has a right to it, they say. Then I'd like to see how they account for my $0.14.


GP, got back my essay test, the one where I had a migraine halfway through and couldn't spare an ounce of concentration on my words. I failed by a bit, expectedly. But apparently failing GP essays seems common.
But damn it, cos GP is the only thing I can pass consistently. Too bad it's only H1.


Mission X (econs) OP, was the first presenter. Scary. I just ran back from the toilet somemore. Heart was still beating fast. Thank goodness I did okay.

PW consultation after. PW, I swear, is the most redundant subject ever. As though we, JC students, aren't busy enough, let alone take almost non-existing time for pilot testing and preparing all those dumb reports and visual aids blahblahblah. Poppycock. To think it was the subject I was most looking forward to when I was still that innocent, ignorant freshman.


After that, is secret. HAHA.
But I was eating dinner and talking to D, then I turned back to face front and I saw Augustus Goh smiling at me from the table opposite. I stoned, stunned, for half a minute, HAHA.
I'll probably elaborate on this day some other day, after a special day is over. :D


Wednesday was supposedly Dewaine's house, gym, then airport and shopping for my sandals, but the gym part got cancelled. ):
Oh well, my ankle is kind of injured anyway.

Airport, went to tcc with the intention to study, but obviously to no avail. Reading my history lecture book seems an insurmountable task and I can never surive reading 3 pages straight and actually absorbing all those dead facts.

Hate History. I rather learn about the present or the future. Sorry, I don't like what's dead and gone.

Went to White Sands to look for my sandals, but none were nice, so we headed to Ehub. Bought black ones from NUM. I took the smallest size which only had black. It's kinda small, but the next size is a bit loose. Why do I have such odd sizes..


Yesterday was KAYAKKING EXPEDITION!
Majorly excited, haha. Covered 16km. Tedious much. We were mostly against the current. -.-
Nick and I had pretty bad chemistry cos our paddles kept hitting each others' lol.

Oh, NO ONE CAPSIZED! I was expecting to, actually. HAHA. But capsizing is funnnnn!

My neck muscles are aching instead of my biceps.
I have a majorly obvious tanline.
I had that fibreglass thingy on my arms for the first time. Hurtssss. It feel like needles poking me.
My right biceps are soo much bigger than my left. Odd.

Labels: ranternobanter, SR ODAC

Damn, I just remembered I still have a friendster account! Amazing! I thought I deleted it.
Okay, I did, but I created another one cos Dewaine asked me to, I think. Then it just crawled back into that tiny desolate corner of my mind, doomed to be forgotten. Until now.

So I logged in, with the intention of deleting my account, if it really was still there.
And the homepage is not loading.


Right.
Friendster is still retarded.
I thought the creators might've received some kinda enlightening sometime during the past two years about how pathetic their 'social-networking' site is, but apparently not. Even if they did, it doesn't seem so.
Maybe they gave up on it too.

Labels: ranternobanter

Just came back from ODAC Ubin cycling. Casualty, yes. Monday you guys shall see.

But I’m not gonna blog about that. Yet. Cos I have to rant; vent out my feelings somewhere. Read or not, your choice entirely.

Just when I thought things were starting to sort themselves out and I stopped being emo, everything has to come back like a wave that retreated and came back to hit my shore harder than ever.

So, sorry; emo week ain’t over.

I feel so complex. No no, wait, I mean, I feel too simple to handle the complexity of what’s going on around me, what’s happening to me. So many things, I don’t know how to start. I barely know where this post is gonna go, where it’s gonna take me.

I’m confused. I’m struggling to keep my cool amidst the pressures of school, and I can’t. I try too hard to balance out my social and academic life. But because school is stealing every hour of daylight from me, I subconsciously and semi-deludingly fight to get the equal amount of time with friends. Obviously I haven’t been able to do so, and obviously I can’t. Not even half of it. It’s a need. I’m human; I have my needs.

And I’m breaking down. Not meeting my needs is robbing me of my sanity.

People who have been with me for quite some time would probably think I’m much stronger emotionally and physically than what my physical size denotes. I was. I really was, but not now. My insides are shattering to pieces, beyond recognition. None of my friends, not even the closest ones, have seen me break down in tears. And I mean genuine tears from genuine emotions.

I’m putting on a strong front. My smiles now are part of a facade. Some of them, not all.

It’s true I’m unafraid of many things. I don’t cry over physical pain. ODAC would’ve known from today. I cry over the most inexplicable, maybe irrational things, and only when I’m alone.

I wonder why I put on a front. My ego is pretty much like a guy’s somehow. I don’t wanna look weak, I don’t wanna be dependent on guys, I don’t wanna always be the one taken care of. But I can’t hold on much longer. I’ve bottled all my insecurities and emotional confusion far too long and I’m on the verge of exploding. And once I do, I’ve nothing left to sustain me. Nothing left to sustain that front. I’m pushing myself physically because emotionally I’m failing.

I’ve kept these tears to myself all these years of my life.
Right now I need a shoulder to cry on. To just cry my heart out without having to explain why.

Irony.
The day I was praised for being brave is the day I show how pathetic I really am.

Labels: ranternobanter

MJ is still dominating the channels.
(:
I don't mind that, actually, after watching them. I realised I listened to a lot of his songs when I was a kid but I never knew they were sung by him. How atrocious was I, HAHA. And his MVs are hilarious, some of them. He totally does egyptian and indian dance, sweeeeeet.



Anyway, sorry guys, if I've been a bit too obvious in my emo-ness.
Stress uh.
Studies and (some of)you-know-what.


Linda's birthday was yesterday, so the whole class (except a few) celebrated it at Pizza Hut. Pris and Rebekah went to buy the cake while we were waiting to be served, then popped up with it! We sang the birthday song as a class, and guess what man,
Pizza Hut's staff decided to play the birthday song for us. HAHAHA classic moment.

But we're so sweet aren't we? (:
My birthday every year is depressing. Like I said, the glamorous date is a mere facade, The day itself is a sad one. Until the next, hopefully.
But I'm sick of empty promises; people say they'll celebrate it for me but it's never done. Then again, until the next. Hopeful kiddo here. (:

I have a brief emo moment everytime we go celebrate someone's birthday. Jealous, I admit.



Okay, enough of that. I sound pathetic.


Speaking of pathetic, I digress again.
That day, Desiree and I decided to take the train. NE line was fine, it was till we switched to the EW line.
Traumatic.

At first it was crowded, but breathable. Then, at I-forgot-what-station, people started flowing in like a tsunami and desiree and I were pushed away from each other like the fish in the tsunami.
Sardines, if you wanna know what fish.

Ohmygawshh. The train was soooo full, that it delayed at two or three stations for more than half an hour.
Bloddy hell cos I'm claustrophobic. And I was literally gasping for air behind this man with slight BO. And mind you, it ain't that easy cos I'm vertically challenged as well.

Damn SMRT.
Damn the peak hours.
Damn the gahmen for trying to bring in MORE people to SG.


Back to yesterday, the day was really short. Ended at 12nn there was no more chinese and fridays are the shortest days of the week. (:

History lessons are starting to get disturbing. Cos of what MW says. This time was about me and Chris' hotdog pen. omg, freaky. But freakiest was still him describing me that day. Eww? I was stunned man. Like, seriously, stunned. Class would know why.


After school and after Linda's bday lunch, we went back to school to finish up geog before the 5pm deadline, then Des, ZL, Reuben, Niq and I went to Tampines1.
Ate at F.I.S.H. after much indecisiveness. Ambience was awesome but the food not so.. Overwhelming flavour fatigue. Maybe it was my throat infection that killed all my appetite but well, I suppose I'm not really looking forward to eating their fried mediterranean fish again.

Hanged around a bit, then Niq wanted to go to Toys R'Us and that's where the best part of the day took place.
HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA OHMYGAWSH, I HAFTA LAUGH WHENEVER I THINK ABOUT IT.
I shall wait for Des to send me the pic so I can better explain.
Funnyyyy ttm! All of us laughed so darn hard. Ahh, ZL is a joke man.



Okay, this post is wordy and so-not-entertaining.
I wanna blame it on the thing that's bugging my mind right now.
Sigh.
Back to emo-ness.
Bye.

Labels: ranternobanter, schooly mooly

All the pics from des' house are up on fb!
Vanessa was uber aweome to upload all 92 of them. Wow.

I feel like doing a post on all the unglam ones, hahaha. It's kinda fun to poke fun at unglamness, but I shall do it at the expense of myself. I guess it started since YS posted thos unglam night cycling pics on fb. My eyes were like all half-closed (or closed) for obvious reasons.



But then, time is a major issue.


I think when the school announces it's a 'holiday', they really mean one day. Yeah, just ONE weekday free.
Why else the assignments? Why else CCA? Why else the 'e-learning week'?


Poppycock.
Singapore's educational system is all poppycock.

Shit. I'm ranting again, aren't I.. Oh my.. sorry, I didn't mean for it to happen.

Labels: ranternobanter

Yesterday was ODAC briefing and Lao Cai meeting.


Was 30mins latexzxzxzxxzx.
Traffic was so screwed up. Whatever the MOE made me learn during SS in sec3 and 4 about the efficiency of local transport is all POPPYCOCK.

The man walking on the path beside the bus was totally faster than the bloddy bus. Ridiculous or what?


EHHHNYWAY, Lao Cai 'meeting' wasn't much, just some taunts on how physically challenging it would be, how some people with Gold for NAPFA were giving up on the mountain last year, blahblahblah. I'm strong mentally okay. I've got ODAC, PE, and my NAPFA gold to push myself to training. If I went into CCC I would've just let my muscles rot and die, evaporate, diminish, whatever. I still can't believe myself.. why the hell did I ever think of joining CCC..omg..


Hanged out with Pingsee at Kovan, slacked at KFC, copying my zuowen (Yeah, copy. I had someone to do it for me. TEEHEE.). Laughed a lot, LOL. Then walked back to school to meet the guys who went to Pulau Semakau.


PS, ZL, KJ, Reuben, Nic and I went to eat tao huayyyy. Ahh, heaven.
I know Nic's secret, lol.
And ZL's during the PulauSem. trip too. HAHA.


ZL and Reub went home first, so PS, Nic and I went to eat at Pizza Hut. We weren't that hungry, so we ordered a duo meal to share amongst the three of us. So you know how it would only have two drinks, and two soups?
HAHA.

According to Nic the waiter was a sexist AND a racist.
Sexist cos he looked at us, then gave PS and I the drinks AND the soup. Then looked at Nic (cos PS and I were giggling away) to ask him if he was okay with it.
Racist cos Nic isn't full-blooded chinese lah. Part Peranakan, like me, but mine perhaps more diluted.
More classic moments, like how they sabo-ed me to place the orders and ask for the bill by acting asleep. Ass them, HAHA.


Took 81 home with Nic, and he was getting started on ANOTHER ghost story (like YAYYY) but at that moment his soccer friends came in and started giving us evilgrins.
-.-

Who cares, I still got my ghost stories cos Nic alighted one stop early by mistake so he told them while walking me to the next bustop. I read a series of Russell Lee books but how come I don't remember the stories uh? LOL.

Reached home damn late again.
At this rate, it is impossible for me to finish (or even START, for that matter,) my holiday assignments. Econs is due friday. EOM is due tomorrow. Most of the rest the next week.

"Holiday" assignments are inane.
Note that I am still speaking very calmly. Cos in actual fact, I am struggling to keep my sanity, which my school/ MOE/ whoever is causing this is desperate to rob me of.
Fine, I'm exaggerating a little, but you get my drift.





Today was Chinese orals then BEC weight training.

I am appalled at my current Chinese oral skills. I cannot pronouce properly, AHH, got too much 'sh' for some reason. Meh.

And the convo part was just pooooopy-cock. It was like Idk-the-answer-so-I-stone-at-you-for-one-minute-then-say-Idk. My topic was on the ugly side of Singaporeans, and how we can relieve stress (no I don't think there's supposed to be a link).


Oh, and I got an E for Chinese MYE. Passed, at least.


Macs for lunch, then school gym for BEC weight training.
I was like the only freaking girl in the group who turned up lah. Tsk. LOL, anyway, YY and I were showing off to each other our muscles (biceps, to be exact) outside the gym, waiting for the previous group to finish. He act macho only. I'm the real manlymachomachoness. (:

Apparently Shah thought it was 3pm instead of 2, and Sky completely forgot. HAHA. Stayed with Shah for the next round.
Gyms are boringgggg. Usually I go and use for the treadmill only. Nehmind, I shall make the effort to use all the machines next time.



Went cycling at ECP with Shah after! Or rather learn to cycle.. Yeah, I still couldn't cycle, and I STILL can't cycle.
I'm not used to such failures.. rollerblading wasn't so hard.. it was like instantaneous. But cycling! UGH. I think it's just the age, really.


Home, late again.
EOM = screwy.

Labels: ranternobanter, schooly mooly, SR ODAC

Prelims just ended yesterday. I was happy for a while, before someone made my emotions really hit the rocks. I guess when you give so much of yourself to someone, the slightest thing he/she does can really fling your emotions to either end of the spectrum- whether they know it or not. Heck, what I get is just a 'you don't care about me'. Just makes me doubt myself even more.

Maybe it's just cos I have this irrational fear of a long-term commitment. It's just not me to stay at one thing for long given my ADD-comparable attention span. Just look at me trying to study. I can hardly sit straight for 30 mins without fiddling with something or starting a fridge-door opening marathon (when I'm at home, that is). It's just a darn freaking hard thing for me to stay undistracted for so long, to commit, to meet someone else's expectations (when I hardly even meet or set my own) and to give unconditionally simply because I've never done it before in my entire life!

Mr Teng said that if we could conquer Mt. Fansipan, we could do anythng. I was applauded for my perseverance with that twisted ankle. Yeah, I could do all that and it sure wasn't easy at all. But I could see it; where I had to and wanted to go. It was almost tangible. But feelings aren't at all. And how someone else can feel that abstactness is.. well, impossible. Unless you're freaking upset and you start raising your voice then it becomes so glaring it's impossible to ignore. But I don't want to spread all that angst and unhappiness. Because I have so much more to give but I don't know how to, and how to make you feel it without being awkward about it. I guess such things can only come with time and loadsa mutual work. Being young and brash won't make it happen but that's what I am right now. You can't just force maturity upon yourself.

I've never been this tied down before. This responsibility is meant to be a joy, shared between two instead of a burden. Well, not exactly, but it really does feel that way sometimes. Being alone offers the luxury of being free- you can behave as you deem fit and have to account to no one except yourself, and no one's feelings will be that closely tied to your actions and words. You can just step in any direction without having to hold back and think how that step will impact so-and-so. But then, there'll always be this something you secretly want, to fill that obscure little hole in the centre of your heart. And when you think someone has filled it, it isn't that perfect as you thought you would feel, besides those few, short-lived moments. Perhaps some may think the many far-from-perfect moments are little sacrifices to achieve those seconds of bliss and that it's all worth it. Perhaps. But for now, I prefer that constancy of living up only your own expectations and wishes instead of juggling them with someone else's, and lettting that bring you to extreme highs and lows. My heart can't take it you know.

If you've read till here, I'm sorry that my blog has increasingly become a ranting space. Anyway I doubt many people would read this.
And great, as if to underscore my mood now, my phone offed by itself and won't on again.
Seriously, did I do something really wrong lately?

Labels: ♥, ranternobanter

2 more papers! But even after that I can't celebrate in peace cos A's are less than 2 months away. I think. Ugh, lazy to do the math lah. Anyway I'm so not looking forward to 8 Nov- Geog AND history papers. 6 hours of insane writing. I think my hand won't have the stamina for GP and econs and the other papers. Awesome way to start the A's huh. Why won't Cambridge actually take that into account, to NEVER put 2 3hour writing papers on the same darn day? Oh no, I'm ranting over the same thing again, aren't I.

I think the internet has to be a girl. Cos it's the ultimate modern age temptress. Her face changes every single day, with so much to see and offer, yet it's never enough. She draws you in, through facebook (games), online news, even neopets. Alas! Shun thy temptress I say! For it is she, who pulls the crown (of As for the A's) from me, thy rightful heir.

Kay I'm talking nonsense seriously.
Scrap everything you just read please, gone like the wind, like me. Bye. I think I'm really going mad.

Labels: exam mayhem, jibber jabber, ranternobanter

People should really stop flaming/ ranting at others through their fb statuses. Forcing all your fb friends to read how so-and-so is a cheat, ungentlemanly fag, shameless bitch whatever is just, well, unclassy. However well you can justify that unsightly claim, it still is unsightly.

I don't get why you guys bother doing this kinda thing.

Labels: ranternobanter

"Procrastination is an excuse", a text from the school said.

Really? Then the sender has been making excuses too. Why won't people here just accept that procrastination is human nature? That it's inevitable? That it isn't all bad? That working wholly for results, without a speck of any form of distraction is neither possible, nor perfect?

Results, results, results. That's all the adults care about and preach about now. Because they know and have accepted that this world is nothing more than superficial. Saying that people look at your character, morals, whatever is just the most ironic thing they do in schools. Cos all they care about at the end of the day is just your results, that it makes the school look better--academically.
Of course, I stand to be corrected. I'm not the one running the school after all.

I read this article about Serendipity, and it isn't exactly procrastination, but it tends to be what people lump together with the latter. So if I read on the history of slavery (not coming out in any part of A's as of now), but in the process putting my SEA history essay aside, is it all bad? I still gain in knowledge don't I? Isn't that the purpose of education? So why so particular with that one-track mind that I should only let my life revolve around the subjects I'd be tested for?

Really, this society is driving me nuts. Maybe when I grow up I'd look back at this and laugh. Maybe. But for now, I'd stick close to this. Heck results, seriously. And teachers who preach that procrastination is an excuse. It hardly fits, even in terms of use of english.

Labels: ranternobanter, schooly mooly

I just had a random spark this afternoon.
I think I wanna take up Linguistics and Multilingual Studies if I get into a uni. But sadly, only NTU offers that as a major, I think.
And even more sadly, it's in the west of SG. I stay all the way at the other end.
Good for the stinkingly fortunate science kids. (And perhaps the poly kids too, but definitely not JC arts kids). They've got the 4th uni to go to. The other 3 are all like freaking far.

And I'm soo not looking forward to tomorrow. Always hated first weeks of school since upper sec cos of the barely-touched hw pile. -.-
See if I make it alive by friday or not.

Labels: ranternobanter, schooly mooly

I hate today.

Labels: ranternobanter

Ugh.
I still can't study.
I wonder how people can sit there for hours and be so focused. I've only covered plate tec so far. Outta like what, how many books? 24?
Yes, MYE is in 2 days. And schools just like torturing arts students by lumping two papers in one day, with one paper being 3 hours long, and pushing all the papers in front cos apparently our scripts take bloddy damn long to mark. 3 hours of non-stop writing. I'd rather get a headache from a 1h15min physics paper. Why, why did I take arts? WHY.

I still still still can't stop procrastinating! Is it in my genetic makeup or something?

Labels: exam mayhem, ranternobanter, schooly mooly

Early release from school again. And I hate the hassle of getting BOTH CT and year head to sign. You know how hard it is sometimes to find them? Don't get what's the big deal anyway. That's the thing with this school. Every damn thing is fussed upon. We're 17 and older. Trust our maturity please.

Anyway it was pretty funny when Mr Tian thought I was crying. LOL cos I couldn't find any HOD to sign the form and asked for his help to call any HOD he knows of that's free atm. So he did, and told the HOD I was crying, and when she came, she was like, Chey early release form only why must cry! I was like huh? I got flu! HAHA epic.

Flu bug, please go away. I hear coughs in almost every class and lecture. Ugh.

Labels: ranternobanter, schooly mooly

Weeks have gone by.

No, I haven't been that happy, but neither am I very stressed.
Let's start with the not-so-good. Which is actually perhaps just a rant of a clash of ideals.

So, it was just an ordinary schoolday, ordinary lecture, and I was feeling unordinarily thirsty. Obviously I took out my waterbottle and left it there for the sake of convenience. But as we were moving out of the LT, I left my poor waterbottle there.

What happened to it? Thrown away by some teacher whose name I shall not mention cos I believe it wasn't entirely his decision to do so. (I found out cos people saw him doing it, and told me.)

Later that day was the release of the A level PW results. Still slightly disturbed about my bottle but heck, cos it holds little value in the context of results. But instead of seeing the PW HOD on the stage, we saw the principal. With trashbags, on the stage.

Puzzling huh. He said those bags contained whatever we left behind after lectures. (Yes, including my bottle). He went on to describe how cleaners are always 'armed' and ready to clear anything left in the LTs after every lecture. Why? So we have a clean environment to study in.

Poppycock, I say.
Do you think a blue adidas waterbottle makes a lecture hall look dirty? No, I hardly think so.
And he said 'after every lecture'. Coming from a P who so proudly advocates the importance of chance, why do students not even have that tiny little portion of his big Chance to take whatever they left behind? So what was his point anyway, of displaying those bags of 'trash' on the stage? Heard it but didn't absorb it cos it didn't make sense to me. But I see it as an absolutely unnecessary measure. It's like "Hey everyone, let's be so enthusiastic about collecting 'trash' in the school today, cos the P's gonna talk to the school about trash tomorrow!" Biiiig deal.

I'm not making a big fuss out of a small bottle (although it's more like him making a big fuss out of everything). I just don't see what this P sees.


Oh btw, I got an A for PW. :D


Something more optimistic: ODAC Great Hike! The J2s (shift 2 game facils actually) were damn slack. Cos it rained and we had no more duties so we cabbed (while the others walked) straight to the meeting point. Haha not like I didn't go through the torture in J1.

Was really really disappointed when the cemetery night walk was cancelled. Our recee in mr kok's car was awesome (honestly I think only I think so cos the other girls were freaking out so badly they nearly sank into the car seats).

The only thing that wasn't that good was the size of the J1 ODACians. Mad huge. Such that some J2s had to sleep on benches and the floor. Kinda pissed the teachers and J2s off.


And and, rockclimbing's NOT CANCELLED!
ONE MORE STAR (after kayakking)!

Labels: ranternobanter, SR ODAC

Why do teachers give so much work knowing that CNY is for visiting and not rotting at home?

That is what I call racial insensitivity as I told Jeryl. But sadly, it can't really be used here in SG unlike in Adelaide, cos teachers are Chinese themselves, and we are the majority.
I hate homework.

God, why do I procrastinate so much?

Labels: ranternobanter

Been MIA cos I've been going out, what else. HAHA means now you got stuff to read! But I feel lazy now. Oh well.

31st December, New Year's eve.
Celebrated with the LaoCai trip people at Mind Cafe and although only like 9 people came in the end, it was awesome! Everything from the games to the tomyum chicken pasta to the present(s). (:

Sorry the brownie went to waste, it was diabetic. HAHA thought that counts. Diabetic thought. Sweet ttm. Then the toot shoebox thing. Asking if it made me happy is a redundant question. :D

Walked around a bit after that, then went somewhere after walking around, slacked, then went to Toa Payoh to watch Sherlock Holmes. Snuck in lotsa snacks and were probably irritating the people with our munching. Don't care, birthday girl does anything. TEEHEE.

Cabbed home, and started our trek to the floating platform again (and on our way we heard fireworks but saw naarthing. -.-), then left cos there were too many to-be-drunk bangladeshis getting a bit high.

Stoned at the playground below TF's house and I fell asleep as expected lol, then went upstairs to sleep, before waking up at 6 to go see the sunrise. But apparently the floating platform offers nothing much of a view. Oh well, the experience was awesome anyway. Went home to nap, before going out to meet Dewaine, Vanessa, Alina and Sarah! Finally after how many eons we meet again. LOL.

Ate at Eighteen Chefs at Eastpoint, gossiped truckloads man. We weren't finished with gossiping still so we went to the top floor to gossip more. HAHA horrible right.

Dinner with family at some chinese restaurant which made me a bit pissed cos I didn't really like it there and I definitely chose a different place earlier on.

WARNING: RANT.
Every single eat-out meal with my family sucks, cos they all love food which I hate. Don't know where the hell my taste buds came from, cos it was definitely not inherited. They always go to places I hate. Especially seafood places, then complain I'm picky and I eat too little and ask in absolute disbelief why anyone can hate seafood. Stupid question of the year. It's as dumb as asking why I'm asian. Certain foods, you like it or not. Simple. There's no why. If I suggest someplace I like instead, I get called selfish, cos it's 3 vs 1. And I'm not allowed to be selfish even on my birthday. A once-in-365and1/4days thing.

Okay, done. (:

2nd January
Sent the Sarawak trip people off..

4 more days. ): Must survive!

Labels: ♥, ranternobanter

Been a no-lifer thus the lack of posts.

No really, I'm just superlatively busy.

Re-exams are done, but if you think I'm allowed a single week of holiday, you just had the darndest wrongest notion ever. Yeah, 'supplementary lessons'. Just a way of saying 'extension of your everyday school'. Still waiting for news of advancement (or not). And actually from the back of my head I kinda wanna retain. Oh well, I'll let God decide through the school.

And I wanna rant about corrections.
Firstly, the copiosity of it. I seriously couldn't continue after finishing paper 1 of history cos my pen ran out of ink, and I ran out of paper. No kidding. Try 8 pages per essay, times 5. Don't let me begin on Geog and Econs. More essays is all I would say.

Secondly, what corrections do the science kids do? Zilch?

Thirdly, I don't get the point of duplicating answer keys. Especially the case for History. Counterproductive in terms of time, effort, and ink and paper. I could well use that time to study new stuff within the syllabus or actually try having a social life for the first time in 9 months.

Rant over! :D
I feel kinda bad that whenever I blog it's to rant about something. Oh well, that's a life of educational suppression for you.


So, been up to nothing much at all, just trainings and lectures.
Trainings' about every alternate day. Both laocai one and ODAC. Don't mind trainings half as much as lectures. *shudders*
Oh, I completed 24km with a 7kg load with track shoes and a schoolbag and suffered nothing but a blister! :D Okay, the blister was pretty bad, it bled but heck, superficial wound. :DD

I feel like I'm ready for army. (:
HAHA as if! Not ready for 30kg yet uh.



AAANNNNDDDD, I GOT MY ODAC SHIRT ALREADY! I FEEL LIKE PRANCING AROUND IN SCHOOL WITH IT. MY PRIDE AND JOY. :D
To hell with the people who undermine ODAC!

Cannot remember what else I wanted to say already.
So bye.

Labels: ranternobanter

(Firstly, I hope I do not give the false impression that I like flowers. They say all girls do. Apparently I'm an anomaly.) But this picture was taken with my chachat ex-8mp phone camera for Jessica. (:

So,
I shall rant tonight!
Sorry, I have nothing better to do at the moment.

Yeah, cos I got told off for not much of a good reason by two stubby men on two consecutive days. Oh blimey, I know.


First was a bus driver.
I nearly typed an 'Indian bus driver', but realised it might look racist later on so nah. Anal and not to mention shallow people (which there are more than plenty of) look at negative yet factual statements as a racist one so long as race is mentioned.

Anyway, the story goes somewhat like this.
I was heading to school, so I took the bus. Knowing that the money in my ez-link card was running dry, I decided to pay my bus fare in coins just in case. So yeah, I just did the norm.

Then, the bus driver called me back. In his thundering (and I seriously mean thundering, like freaking loud) voice, and asked if secondary school students had to show their ez-link card. I figured it was a really inappropriate rhetorical question since I was, firstly in my JC school uniform with the school badge prominant enough for that to be seen, and secondly, which service provider asks that sort of question? I thought they only provide answers. But heck, I showed him my card anyway.


I think by now you would've thought; that's it? That was it?
But nooooo, it has barely started.


He then asked me to tap my ez-link card. Which I stared quizzically at him cos I already paid the fare in coins, but I did it anyway. I know, I'm so compliant. Then he muttered a whole chunk of incomprehensive English ( maybe that's the thing about the Indian accent; it's so exotic and addictive you can never drop it) then asked me to 'tap and hold there', the last part and only part of the chunk I understood.

By now, I was already quite pissed off. Like what the hell, since when was paying my bus fare in coins such a long process? Cos I had been standing there long enough to probably give my PW oral presentation and was holding up all the other passengers' time. Okay, not me exactly, but that (obscene adjective) of a busdriver.


Right, so I just did everything that stub told me in a desperate bid to hurry get on with the bus ride and when it was finally all over and I was walking back to my seat, he told me this.
"Girl, next time you take bus you do this. Don't waste everyone's time"

I swear. If the law were non-existant I'd make sure he'll end up non-existant too. I've never seen such blatant shift of blame before. Not in the tertiary industry at least. Describing him as a pot calling the kettle black is way too much an understatement for him.


Think it's over? Nooooo, still not yet. I think even your patience is running out already. I think normal people would've died by my third para or smth already. HAHA. I think I can win the money for any Boiling Point show man.

Uh huh, so we all thought it was over, till a few stops later, when the bus stopped in front of a traffic light. He then walked all the way to the back of the bus where I was seated, asking another question that totally reflected his state of mind.
"Girl, just now your card still got money right? Then why you wanna pay in coins? You wanna save money is it?"

Yeah I did have some money left in my card. Like what, 80cents? So I just glared at him then rolled my eyes and turned to face the window while he carried on rambling away with more pride than a police officer interrogating a criminal.
And he had the bloddy guts to tell me I was wasting his time again.

I think that guy has got some severe issues. Should've been nice and offered him some counselling hotline.

Okay, I'm lazy to talk about the second stubby guy already. Not worth mentioning anyway. Ask me if you see me if you wanna know.


YAY GOODNIGHT.
NOW YOU KNOW I CAN RANT THE LENGTH OF AN ESSAY. :D

Labels: ranternobanter

Made Tumblr cos Blogspot is being a fag by discrimminating mac users.

Will tell ya the url soon, when I start updating after PROMOS.


I can't study properly.
Seriously.

Like I told Joanna,

Studying is like running your 2.4km; if you haven't run for years, your timing
will suck.

I was mugging the whole of yesterday and I only conquered 10pages.

I have at least 500 pages more to go for all my subs. So lets see: I'll need 3 x 50hours. 150hours. That converts to 40plus days, considering all other time-consuming stuff.

How many days to promos (excluding GP)?
7.

Ohmygawsshhh.

Labels: ranternobanter

Okay, not that busy anyway. 'else the teachers would be shooting themselves in their heads. In a way.


Chronological blogging again. I'm trying to document my life so that maybe when I die and get famous as the man girl who can't be moved, they can get my autobiography here. Okay, sorry, I'm listening to the Man Who Can't Be Moved. Ended up typing that down.


Monday,
Photog from 1pm till 5pm.
Like I said, my mac won't let me upload anything. Was the only girl in my group. It's like some kind of tragic karmic fate that my LC group is monopolised by soccer boys. Lucky for TF and Christine. But Christine is in soccer girls too, I think. Ohmygawshh.


Tuesday,
Econs lecture early in the morn. Had to stand at the back when I was only like what, 2 minutes late? They got the bloddy guts to penalise us when they're calling us back on a HOLIDAY.

One day when I grow up I'm gonna revolusionise the meaning of holidays in Singapore. Asian countries, if possible.

Mark my words; I'll make it happen.


Oh, on a random note, I feel like asking my dear MOE why they haven't been funding my education through edusave for the past couple of years. Every Singaporean citizen has a right to it, they say. Then I'd like to see how they account for my $0.14.


GP, got back my essay test, the one where I had a migraine halfway through and couldn't spare an ounce of concentration on my words. I failed by a bit, expectedly. But apparently failing GP essays seems common.
But damn it, cos GP is the only thing I can pass consistently. Too bad it's only H1.


Mission X (econs) OP, was the first presenter. Scary. I just ran back from the toilet somemore. Heart was still beating fast. Thank goodness I did okay.

PW consultation after. PW, I swear, is the most redundant subject ever. As though we, JC students, aren't busy enough, let alone take almost non-existing time for pilot testing and preparing all those dumb reports and visual aids blahblahblah. Poppycock. To think it was the subject I was most looking forward to when I was still that innocent, ignorant freshman.


After that, is secret. HAHA.
But I was eating dinner and talking to D, then I turned back to face front and I saw Augustus Goh smiling at me from the table opposite. I stoned, stunned, for half a minute, HAHA.
I'll probably elaborate on this day some other day, after a special day is over. :D


Wednesday was supposedly Dewaine's house, gym, then airport and shopping for my sandals, but the gym part got cancelled. ):
Oh well, my ankle is kind of injured anyway.

Airport, went to tcc with the intention to study, but obviously to no avail. Reading my history lecture book seems an insurmountable task and I can never surive reading 3 pages straight and actually absorbing all those dead facts.

Hate History. I rather learn about the present or the future. Sorry, I don't like what's dead and gone.

Went to White Sands to look for my sandals, but none were nice, so we headed to Ehub. Bought black ones from NUM. I took the smallest size which only had black. It's kinda small, but the next size is a bit loose. Why do I have such odd sizes..


Yesterday was KAYAKKING EXPEDITION!
Majorly excited, haha. Covered 16km. Tedious much. We were mostly against the current. -.-
Nick and I had pretty bad chemistry cos our paddles kept hitting each others' lol.

Oh, NO ONE CAPSIZED! I was expecting to, actually. HAHA. But capsizing is funnnnn!

My neck muscles are aching instead of my biceps.
I have a majorly obvious tanline.
I had that fibreglass thingy on my arms for the first time. Hurtssss. It feel like needles poking me.
My right biceps are soo much bigger than my left. Odd.

Labels: ranternobanter, SR ODAC

Damn, I just remembered I still have a friendster account! Amazing! I thought I deleted it.
Okay, I did, but I created another one cos Dewaine asked me to, I think. Then it just crawled back into that tiny desolate corner of my mind, doomed to be forgotten. Until now.

So I logged in, with the intention of deleting my account, if it really was still there.
And the homepage is not loading.


Right.
Friendster is still retarded.
I thought the creators might've received some kinda enlightening sometime during the past two years about how pathetic their 'social-networking' site is, but apparently not. Even if they did, it doesn't seem so.
Maybe they gave up on it too.

Labels: ranternobanter

Just came back from ODAC Ubin cycling. Casualty, yes. Monday you guys shall see.

But I’m not gonna blog about that. Yet. Cos I have to rant; vent out my feelings somewhere. Read or not, your choice entirely.

Just when I thought things were starting to sort themselves out and I stopped being emo, everything has to come back like a wave that retreated and came back to hit my shore harder than ever.

So, sorry; emo week ain’t over.

I feel so complex. No no, wait, I mean, I feel too simple to handle the complexity of what’s going on around me, what’s happening to me. So many things, I don’t know how to start. I barely know where this post is gonna go, where it’s gonna take me.

I’m confused. I’m struggling to keep my cool amidst the pressures of school, and I can’t. I try too hard to balance out my social and academic life. But because school is stealing every hour of daylight from me, I subconsciously and semi-deludingly fight to get the equal amount of time with friends. Obviously I haven’t been able to do so, and obviously I can’t. Not even half of it. It’s a need. I’m human; I have my needs.

And I’m breaking down. Not meeting my needs is robbing me of my sanity.

People who have been with me for quite some time would probably think I’m much stronger emotionally and physically than what my physical size denotes. I was. I really was, but not now. My insides are shattering to pieces, beyond recognition. None of my friends, not even the closest ones, have seen me break down in tears. And I mean genuine tears from genuine emotions.

I’m putting on a strong front. My smiles now are part of a facade. Some of them, not all.

It’s true I’m unafraid of many things. I don’t cry over physical pain. ODAC would’ve known from today. I cry over the most inexplicable, maybe irrational things, and only when I’m alone.

I wonder why I put on a front. My ego is pretty much like a guy’s somehow. I don’t wanna look weak, I don’t wanna be dependent on guys, I don’t wanna always be the one taken care of. But I can’t hold on much longer. I’ve bottled all my insecurities and emotional confusion far too long and I’m on the verge of exploding. And once I do, I’ve nothing left to sustain me. Nothing left to sustain that front. I’m pushing myself physically because emotionally I’m failing.

I’ve kept these tears to myself all these years of my life.
Right now I need a shoulder to cry on. To just cry my heart out without having to explain why.

Irony.
The day I was praised for being brave is the day I show how pathetic I really am.

Labels: ranternobanter

MJ is still dominating the channels.
(:
I don't mind that, actually, after watching them. I realised I listened to a lot of his songs when I was a kid but I never knew they were sung by him. How atrocious was I, HAHA. And his MVs are hilarious, some of them. He totally does egyptian and indian dance, sweeeeeet.



Anyway, sorry guys, if I've been a bit too obvious in my emo-ness.
Stress uh.
Studies and (some of)you-know-what.


Linda's birthday was yesterday, so the whole class (except a few) celebrated it at Pizza Hut. Pris and Rebekah went to buy the cake while we were waiting to be served, then popped up with it! We sang the birthday song as a class, and guess what man,
Pizza Hut's staff decided to play the birthday song for us. HAHAHA classic moment.

But we're so sweet aren't we? (:
My birthday every year is depressing. Like I said, the glamorous date is a mere facade, The day itself is a sad one. Until the next, hopefully.
But I'm sick of empty promises; people say they'll celebrate it for me but it's never done. Then again, until the next. Hopeful kiddo here. (:

I have a brief emo moment everytime we go celebrate someone's birthday. Jealous, I admit.



Okay, enough of that. I sound pathetic.


Speaking of pathetic, I digress again.
That day, Desiree and I decided to take the train. NE line was fine, it was till we switched to the EW line.
Traumatic.

At first it was crowded, but breathable. Then, at I-forgot-what-station, people started flowing in like a tsunami and desiree and I were pushed away from each other like the fish in the tsunami.
Sardines, if you wanna know what fish.

Ohmygawshh. The train was soooo full, that it delayed at two or three stations for more than half an hour.
Bloddy hell cos I'm claustrophobic. And I was literally gasping for air behind this man with slight BO. And mind you, it ain't that easy cos I'm vertically challenged as well.

Damn SMRT.
Damn the peak hours.
Damn the gahmen for trying to bring in MORE people to SG.


Back to yesterday, the day was really short. Ended at 12nn there was no more chinese and fridays are the shortest days of the week. (:

History lessons are starting to get disturbing. Cos of what MW says. This time was about me and Chris' hotdog pen. omg, freaky. But freakiest was still him describing me that day. Eww? I was stunned man. Like, seriously, stunned. Class would know why.


After school and after Linda's bday lunch, we went back to school to finish up geog before the 5pm deadline, then Des, ZL, Reuben, Niq and I went to Tampines1.
Ate at F.I.S.H. after much indecisiveness. Ambience was awesome but the food not so.. Overwhelming flavour fatigue. Maybe it was my throat infection that killed all my appetite but well, I suppose I'm not really looking forward to eating their fried mediterranean fish again.

Hanged around a bit, then Niq wanted to go to Toys R'Us and that's where the best part of the day took place.
HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA OHMYGAWSH, I HAFTA LAUGH WHENEVER I THINK ABOUT IT.
I shall wait for Des to send me the pic so I can better explain.
Funnyyyy ttm! All of us laughed so darn hard. Ahh, ZL is a joke man.



Okay, this post is wordy and so-not-entertaining.
I wanna blame it on the thing that's bugging my mind right now.
Sigh.
Back to emo-ness.
Bye.

Labels: ranternobanter, schooly mooly

All the pics from des' house are up on fb!
Vanessa was uber aweome to upload all 92 of them. Wow.

I feel like doing a post on all the unglam ones, hahaha. It's kinda fun to poke fun at unglamness, but I shall do it at the expense of myself. I guess it started since YS posted thos unglam night cycling pics on fb. My eyes were like all half-closed (or closed) for obvious reasons.



But then, time is a major issue.


I think when the school announces it's a 'holiday', they really mean one day. Yeah, just ONE weekday free.
Why else the assignments? Why else CCA? Why else the 'e-learning week'?


Poppycock.
Singapore's educational system is all poppycock.

Shit. I'm ranting again, aren't I.. Oh my.. sorry, I didn't mean for it to happen.

Labels: ranternobanter

Yesterday was ODAC briefing and Lao Cai meeting.


Was 30mins latexzxzxzxxzx.
Traffic was so screwed up. Whatever the MOE made me learn during SS in sec3 and 4 about the efficiency of local transport is all POPPYCOCK.

The man walking on the path beside the bus was totally faster than the bloddy bus. Ridiculous or what?


EHHHNYWAY, Lao Cai 'meeting' wasn't much, just some taunts on how physically challenging it would be, how some people with Gold for NAPFA were giving up on the mountain last year, blahblahblah. I'm strong mentally okay. I've got ODAC, PE, and my NAPFA gold to push myself to training. If I went into CCC I would've just let my muscles rot and die, evaporate, diminish, whatever. I still can't believe myself.. why the hell did I ever think of joining CCC..omg..


Hanged out with Pingsee at Kovan, slacked at KFC, copying my zuowen (Yeah, copy. I had someone to do it for me. TEEHEE.). Laughed a lot, LOL. Then walked back to school to meet the guys who went to Pulau Semakau.


PS, ZL, KJ, Reuben, Nic and I went to eat tao huayyyy. Ahh, heaven.
I know Nic's secret, lol.
And ZL's during the PulauSem. trip too. HAHA.


ZL and Reub went home first, so PS, Nic and I went to eat at Pizza Hut. We weren't that hungry, so we ordered a duo meal to share amongst the three of us. So you know how it would only have two drinks, and two soups?
HAHA.

According to Nic the waiter was a sexist AND a racist.
Sexist cos he looked at us, then gave PS and I the drinks AND the soup. Then looked at Nic (cos PS and I were giggling away) to ask him if he was okay with it.
Racist cos Nic isn't full-blooded chinese lah. Part Peranakan, like me, but mine perhaps more diluted.
More classic moments, like how they sabo-ed me to place the orders and ask for the bill by acting asleep. Ass them, HAHA.


Took 81 home with Nic, and he was getting started on ANOTHER ghost story (like YAYYY) but at that moment his soccer friends came in and started giving us evilgrins.
-.-

Who cares, I still got my ghost stories cos Nic alighted one stop early by mistake so he told them while walking me to the next bustop. I read a series of Russell Lee books but how come I don't remember the stories uh? LOL.

Reached home damn late again.
At this rate, it is impossible for me to finish (or even START, for that matter,) my holiday assignments. Econs is due friday. EOM is due tomorrow. Most of the rest the next week.

"Holiday" assignments are inane.
Note that I am still speaking very calmly. Cos in actual fact, I am struggling to keep my sanity, which my school/ MOE/ whoever is causing this is desperate to rob me of.
Fine, I'm exaggerating a little, but you get my drift.





Today was Chinese orals then BEC weight training.

I am appalled at my current Chinese oral skills. I cannot pronouce properly, AHH, got too much 'sh' for some reason. Meh.

And the convo part was just pooooopy-cock. It was like Idk-the-answer-so-I-stone-at-you-for-one-minute-then-say-Idk. My topic was on the ugly side of Singaporeans, and how we can relieve stress (no I don't think there's supposed to be a link).


Oh, and I got an E for Chinese MYE. Passed, at least.


Macs for lunch, then school gym for BEC weight training.
I was like the only freaking girl in the group who turned up lah. Tsk. LOL, anyway, YY and I were showing off to each other our muscles (biceps, to be exact) outside the gym, waiting for the previous group to finish. He act macho only. I'm the real manlymachomachoness. (:

Apparently Shah thought it was 3pm instead of 2, and Sky completely forgot. HAHA. Stayed with Shah for the next round.
Gyms are boringgggg. Usually I go and use for the treadmill only. Nehmind, I shall make the effort to use all the machines next time.



Went cycling at ECP with Shah after! Or rather learn to cycle.. Yeah, I still couldn't cycle, and I STILL can't cycle.
I'm not used to such failures.. rollerblading wasn't so hard.. it was like instantaneous. But cycling! UGH. I think it's just the age, really.


Home, late again.
EOM = screwy.

Labels: ranternobanter, schooly mooly, SR ODAC